Thoughts on Nervousness

I’m currently in a Yaoundé hotel room that I’m sharing with another trainee. The accommodations are better than I expected, with air conditioning, internet access and intermittent running water. We even have a balcony with a beautiful view of the surrounding neighborhood and lots of (what I think are) banana trees.

The last day has been a roller coaster, veering from boredom to activity and a mélange of feelings about what I simply describe as “nervousness.” I’ve remarked to a number of trainees, and most have agreed with me, that we’ve been planning this journey for so long, and contemplating the risks, that most sense of fear or nerves has already dissipated before even getting started. I’m not sure if this is a positive development, but it’s certainly a useful defense mechanism that has allowed me to (mostly) maintain my mental health.

In short, we were ready, come what may. At least, that’s what we thought.

We arrived in Yaoundé yesterday evening, and everything went remarkably smoothly, considering there were 37 sleep-deprived Americans flooding customs. The Peace Corps organizers did a wonderful job getting everyone through efficiently and without too much trouble for the other passengers on our flight. It wasn’t until we were all loaded on the bus ready to head to the hotel with our dozens of suitcases stowed below that anything dramatic happened.

And just when we thought that we were ready, that we had already conquered our fear and nervousness, we had our first attempted theft.

“Hey, that guy is walking away with my bag,” said one trainee, a small woman with glasses, and within seconds, one of our liaisons was chasing the young man, jumping barriers and grabbing him by his belt loop. I couldn’t tell what exactly happened afterwards, as it was dark and I wasn’t wearing my glasses, but it seemed like a small group of men starting hitting the man who had taken the backpack.

Luckily, nothing was lost and no one was seriously hurt. But it was an important lesson to not get too comfortable and complacent. The nerves have returned somewhat, but not in the form of paranoia, just vigilance.

I stared out the window of the bus as we rode to the hotel, staticky songs from a local radio station playing over the sound system. It seems like Yaoundé is a lively place, even on a Thursday night. We passed a number of bars with brightly colored strings of lights, mini-marts still open at 10 o’clock at night, a 24-hour bakery, and a wedding celebration. The bride was a beautiful young woman wearing a white tea-length dress with a sort of satin finish, and as we passed by, she waved to us and spun in circles, like a little girl playing dress-up, her dress catching in flashes the light from the bar next door. She’s a symbol, I think, of what Cameroon is to me at this moment: Beautiful, enticing, and intrigued at our presence, but not quite inviting.

I hope I have the pleasure of making her acquaintance.

Staging

I departed from the Des Moines airport yesterday morning. My whole family was there to see me off, which was absolutely amazing. When I encounter moments of uncertainty in Cameroon, I'll remind myself that I have a wonderful support group back home.

I arrived in Philadelphia at about 4:30 yesterday afternoon, and after initially going to the wrong hotel, I was checked in by 5:30 and absolutely exhausted from lack of sleep and navigating PHL with two 35-pound bags. (Imagine how the people with 100 lbs of luggage must feel!) I thought I would feel a bit guilty about not exploring Philly while I was here, but as it was Memorial Day, everything was closed, and I was in need of a mental health break, so I stayed in the room and read the first half of Eleanor and Park. (Good recommendation, Dad.)

I finally met a fellow trainee--my roommate, Roxie--at about nine. Luckily, she's as much of an old lady as I am, and we were in bed by about 11.

I was hoping to see some of Philadelphia today, since I've never visited before, so I set off to Independence Hall at about 9 this morning. Unfortunately, everyone else had the same idea, and the earliest I'd be able to get in was 1 pm, which was not an option with registration starting at noon. Oh, well. I took some obligatory touristy pictures (see below), passed the massive queue for the Liberty Bell, and bought an adorable plush American eagle for my host family, in case they have kids (or for me, in case they don't). I was trying to save money, be fit, and get to know Philly by walking, but after walking to Independence Hall and surveying the premises in late-morning sun and 90-degree heat, I admitted defeat and took a cab back to the hotel. After all, I couldn't show up to staging with massive sweat-stains.

Staging itself was, I must admit, largely repetition of things I'd learned previously, but it was worth it to put faces to some of the names I've been seeing on Facebook these last months, and to meet some new people and make a few connections. We had an honest discussion about our anxieties and aspirations (perhaps I'll post my list later), and what will be expected of us as Volunteers. All in all, a positive experience. A group of about eight of us had dinner together, which was at turns exhilarating and intimidating. For every moment that I discovered a common interest with a fellow Trainee, there was another where I felt embarrassed for not having visited a certain place or watched a certain TV show, as if we were trying to one-up each other with our travel experiences and pop-culture knowledge. I'm sure it's mostly in my head: it's difficult to not feel self-conscious when you're surrounded by educated, well-traveled individuals.

And so, here I am, back at the hotel, less than ten hours from our departure for the airport. From there, we'll be off to Brussels, and then Cameroon. After all of this travel, settling into a new country and culture might be a relief.

Timeline

So, how did I get here?

It's been a long process--longer than I anticipated. For anyone considering joining the Peace Corps, here's a real-life timeline, from initial application to departure:

February 28, 2013: submitted initial online application.

March 25, 2013: interview at the University of Iowa campus office

April 8, 2013: nomination

April through September 2013: gather and submit medical records and complete medical history, including mental health and birth control

September 19, 2013: medical pre-clearance

September 24, 2013: additional information (about my romantic relationship and previous teaching experience) requested

October 24, 2013: invitation to serve as an education volunteer in Cameroon

October 28, 2013: accepted invitation after reading all Peace Corps literature on Cameroon

October through December 2013: complete passport and visa applications; submit legal documents and updated resume and aspiration statement

December 2013 through April 2014: preparations for medical clearance, including physical, vaccinations, dental x-rays, PAP exam, updating eyeglass prescription, etc.

April 11, 2014: received final medical clearance

April 28, 2014: received staging information

May 2014: complete online courses, exchange contact information, get additional passport photos for visa

As that's where I am at this point. I was told early on (February-March 2013) that I would leave the U.S. within a year of the receipt of my application, but it ended up being about fifteen months after I submitted the initial application. Then again, the federal government shut down for about two weeks in October, which may have slowed my invitation.

In short, joining the Peace Corps is not something you can do on a whim. It's a lengthy and sometimes stressful process, not to mention costly (but I'll write about that later). I admit, there were times when I was impatient and anxious, but I have no doubt that it will be worthwhile. Now there are just a few remaining steps:

May 26, 2014: fly to Philadelphia

May 27, 2014: orientation

May 28, 2014: fly out of Philadelphia

May 29, 2014: arrive in Cameroon and begin pre-service training (PST)

Wish me luck! It's hard to believe that after fifteen months of preparation, my journey is just beginning.

Introduction

This blog is intended for my friends and family as a way to let them know what I'm up to in the next 27 months, but in case someone else happens to find this, here's a brief introduction.

My name is Lydia, and I'm 23 years old. I was born in Des Moines, Iowa, and have lived there my whole life, with the exception of my college years, which were spent at the University of Iowa. I graduated about two years ago with degrees in French and English, which I'm now putting to use as an English teacher in Cameroon, a francophone country in western Africa.

The symmetry of the situation still surprises me. The other day, I was going through a box in my mom's basement and found an essay I wrote during my senior year of high school. In it, I write about wanting to join the Peace Corps someday. Five years later, it's actually happening.

I'm still processing the reality of my situation: I've known since October what my assignment was, and I've done quite a bit of reading and research since then, but I can't help but feel that I'm still unprepared.